I would like to know why I am the way I am: full of self-doubt, fear, anger, sadness. Maybe I already do know why. Genetics? Childhood? And does it really matter WHY? How do I escape from myself? I'm always there in the shadows, lurking. No matter how normal I try to be, the dismal specter is always there, compromising my efforts. I've tried just about every (legal) psychotropic pill made on Earth, and I have not been able to find the right combination of serotonin and dopamine uplifters or downshifters, stabilizers, sanitizers or equalizers! I seem to have a toxic stew of neurotransmitters in my brain that would send the witches in Macbeth in a tailspin. Too bad I can't throw some eye of newt into the mix! Wonder what it would do?
Anyway, what else is there that could help me to feel better? ECT? With my luck, I would end up like Randle McMurphy at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. But of course, he had a lobotomy as a final measure to quiet him, not ECT. I just want to feel NORMAL! Is that too much to ask?
I'd donate my personality to science, if they could extract it from me and give me a shiny, happy one!
Or...if this is even possible, how can I ever accept the way I am and learn to even like myself, despite my shortcomings?
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