Radiohead and Thom Yorke

I love the Beatles and I always will, but DAMN I love Radiohead. I could listen to Thom Yorke's voice all day. Actually, I wouldn't mind having a cup of tea with him and just looking at him, hearing what he has to say about life.

My favorite songs are 15 Steps, Bodysnatchers, Jigsaw Falling Into Place, Paranoid Android, In Limbo, National Anthem...but really all the songs are gorgeous. OK Computer, In Rainbows and Kid A are incredible albums, and I like The Bends, but I guess it wasn't weird enough for me. I didn't really care for Pablo Honey. I haven't heard Amnesiac, Hail to the Thief yet. So how can ya be a fan if ya ain't heard all the tunes, Jen? I just am!

Gee, how many other Radiohead fans have typed the exact same thing as this? I don't really care, I just had to write about it!

One of the few things I enjoy lately...

Not so long ago, I realized that I wanted to start recycling. Our bin was stowed away at the side of the house and it was filled with dead branches. I wondered "How much time and effort would it take to start recycling? Probably too long..." It started off small enough: a few tin cans here and there. Then I began looking closely at items for the ubiquitous recycling symbol, and I was mesmerized by just how much I could keep from going to the dump, only to decompose (or not)over a very, very long time. It's amazing how much you can recycle! Every Friday I fill the bin to the rim and this last Friday, the bin was filled to capacity, plus an extra 6 inches over the top! I like it so much, that I have noticed a bit of a sanctimonious feeling come over me when I see a lack of bins out on Fridays, or ones that are not filled all the way. I would think, "Come on people, you can do this!" But this is the first thing I have been really stoked about in a long time because I feel that in some way (no matter how miniscule), I am doing something for the environment.

I'm going to hug some more trees now. Our oak tree in the back yard looks a little forlorn...:)

Here there is no why

I would like to know why I am the way I am: full of self-doubt, fear, anger, sadness. Maybe I already do know why. Genetics? Childhood? And does it really matter WHY? How do I escape from myself? I'm always there in the shadows, lurking. No matter how normal I try to be, the dismal specter is always there, compromising my efforts. I've tried just about every (legal) psychotropic pill made on Earth, and I have not been able to find the right combination of serotonin and dopamine uplifters or downshifters, stabilizers, sanitizers or equalizers! I seem to have a toxic stew of neurotransmitters in my brain that would send the witches in Macbeth in a tailspin. Too bad I can't throw some eye of newt into the mix! Wonder what it would do?

Anyway, what else is there that could help me to feel better? ECT? With my luck, I would end up like Randle McMurphy at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. But of course, he had a lobotomy as a final measure to quiet him, not ECT. I just want to feel NORMAL! Is that too much to ask?

I'd donate my personality to science, if they could extract it from me and give me a shiny, happy one!

Or...if this is even possible, how can I ever accept the way I am and learn to even like myself, despite my shortcomings?