Monday, September 26, 2005

Before you accept Jesus into your heart, consider the following:


1) Would the presence of a divine redeemer compromise blood flow in your heart? If coronary problems do arise from said occupation, would He assist in defraying medical costs? Should He sign a waiver of liability before inhabiting your chest?
2) A wise person would definitely request that Jesus pay some rent for taking up all that space. I mean, somebody's got to make a living here.
3) Would the arrangement be considered a time-share as there are obviously other hearts in which Jesus has set up shop?
4) Could Jesus bring his pets? Is there a limit to how many sheep you will allow?
5) Given the relatively small space, one would have to tell Jesus that under no conditions would any of his apostles be allowed to crash there.
6) How about just letting Frankie Avalon into your heart?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Milton Keynes, anyone?


*UPDATE! UK A NO-GO-GO*

We might be moving to the UK so that Aaron will work on ShawTrac. We'll be there at leas a year. Here is a description of the town where he'll be working. As Auntie Jan predicted, my mom is shitting kittens at the prospect of us moving there.

There are not many cities in Europe where you can go shopping, snow-boarding, water-skiing and sailing - then catch a west-end show at a popular and successful theatre - so you may be surprised to learn that you can do all this and more in the ‘new city’ of Milton Keynes.
If you’re a sports fanatic you may be interested to know that Milton Keynes is fast becoming the UK’s extreme sports capital. Xscape is the ultimate leisure complex where you can practice skiing and snow-boarding on the slopes of the UK’s longest indoor real-snow slope, or try your hand at mountaineering on the indoor climbing wall. But if it’s water sports you’re after then head to Willen Lake where Whitecap Leisure offers you the opportunity to go water-skiing and wakeboarding on the UK’s longest cable tow.
If extreme shopping is your passion then you’ll be in paradise when you visit central Milton Keynes as it’s home to one of the longest indoor shopping centre’s in Europe. thecentre:mk expands over three miles and is accompanied by Midsummer Place and Xscape, which together provide more than 300 shops boasting big name designer and high street stores, restaurants and cafĂ©’s. The adjacent Theatre District also offers a wide choice of restaurants and bars and is home to the UK’s most successful regional theatre, MK Theatre; and MK Gallery, which hosts around 10 free exhibitions every year.
Must see and do
Xscape, the ultimate leisure complex and real indoor snow slope, Milton Keynes
Willen Lake
thecentre:mk and Midsummer Place, Milton Keynes
Peace Pagoda
Bletchley Park and Station X
Woburn Abbey
Woburn Safari Park
Stowe Landscape Gardens
Gulliver’s Land
Grand Union Canal




This "ancient artifact" was planted at the British Museum (not in MK).

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

O Totem, My Totem

"What Would Basil Do?" I doubt that Basil's totem would be a butterfly. He would probably have a Newt or a Vole for his. Or a toad.
I took a test at www.crystal-cure.com and I was told my totem was a...

BUTTERFLY

You are a delightful soul that has transformed earlier neediness, greed, and survival programs into days that are filled with life and radiant sunshine. You are compassionate, knowing and understanding the suffering of others. You tend to feel or know that wherever you are, you are in the right place and the right time. You are a healer of the mind and soul. You know that man does not live by bread alone, and seek sustenance by drinking from the "ambrosia" of the gods. This communion with life and Spirit sustains you in good humor and even allows you to momentarily touch the ecstatic, in bliss, God, Grace, Spirit and Life.

You bring a smile, trust and a delight to the moment while empowering, imploring, and affirming the best of life in and for people. You are charming, and will have success in social and domestic relationships. Few can find fault with you, and you are usually are a pleasure to be around. You are fascinated with people and your visage is frequently that of a person that is radiant and oft times content.
The innocent, the child, the animals and most humans view you as being harmless. Others miss your sensitivity, and unless you are careful, you may protect your self by flitting around from person to person, job to job or party to party. You are self contained and must allow others that are not as quick or brilliant to be and share with you. You are the conductor in a divine symphony, and often are the only one that knows the score.
In business you must make the rounds and build good will with your customers, principles, vendors or others in your business or networking community. You are a mediator and diplomat. Get people together and you'll show how you shine. You may be asked to participate in a social, business or charity function. Join the Lions Club, Better Business Bureau, or local civic organization. Conversation should be about family, children and friends, not business. Profile your business by volunteering your time and effort, not just money.
A few thoughtful words coupled by minor gifts or demonstrations of gratitude will go along way in endearing yourself to others. This is a time to actively praise others for their effort and good work. Tickets to a game, a concert, or picking up the cost of a mini-vacation or gift certificate to a restaurant will reap a later harvest of gold.
You must stick to a schedule if you hope to accomplish anything during this time. Make sure your manners are impeccable and that you reformat topic matter to show the you have heard others concerns and their needs. Do not neglect the customer or person at hand for one that has just entered or interrupts you. There is a small window of opportunity, take advantage of it.
You may hear of a business acquaintance dying, leaving their post or being sought out by another company.
In love this is a time of being hopeful and optimistic. It is sunny skies with a forecast of no rain. You will have trouble carrying on the most simple of routines as your thoughts of your beloved flit through your brain, mind and body.
Remember there is a reason to have feet. Keep them connected to the ground. Even standing in one spot you'll cover more than 26, 000 miles in a single day. There are so many people to talk to and things to do that it may be difficult to find time to share or do some of the things you want. You may become so excited that you will incessantly talk, trying to share your life and excitement with those that can't see this magic mystery. Be sure to listen and let other people talk.
There truly is a miracle when two souls recognize, share and celebrate each other. Enjoy the time, do something spontaneous. There is no doubt that "Kismet" fate, or karma is involved. See what you can learn. You may find that you are at a perfect place and a perfect time.
There should be talks of life, children and dreams or visions of great felicity. It is not the best time to be the life of the party or the queen bee, for without trying you'll garner more attention than you can imagine.
BUTTERFLY = TRANSFORMATION, DANCE Of JOY

Is this just a bunch of Hoodoo-Voodoo?

Or does it represent a glimpse into the Divine?

Past: You have already come up with your own ideas about a major change in your life. You or another may have been in a "larval" state of consciousness, or an isolationist cocoon phase where you were hiding from everyone including yourself. You have gone through incredible changes over a considerable period of time. You probably didn't even know you were changing. There may be a need for other changes and lessons, but you can be sure you got the complete package now. You may have been taking lessons in the direction manual, but soon, if prepared, there will be a time put your lessons and decision into action.

Why I could never be a Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

Try it, it's so gooooood for you.
How many of you could bear to be told to have conversations like the ones in this article?
http://harpers.org/ASpoonfulOfSugar.html

Friday, September 16, 2005

Monster Jen

Jen

is a Tiny Robot that is fitted with a Bulldozer Blade and an Electric Drill, has Wooden Panelling, crawls on Twenty Tiny Legs, and runs on Methane.

Force: 1 Handling: 8 Weaponry: 2