Thus Spake the Critics

What Critics and
Writers Are Saying
About My New
Book of Poetry,
The Doberman Plot.
BY SEBASTIAN BITTICKS

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"Spectacular in the sense of existing somehow. Thought-filled, word-filled, sentence-filled verse."

"The Doberman Plot strikes a match on your eyelid and, before using it to set the cuffs of your pants on fire, asks you to consider the color of the flame."

"Sebastian Bitticks goes on record as not being a child pornographer, and, in doing so, goes on record for all of us, who are also not child pornographers."

"Slick, rain-proof stuff. Poems to paper your house with, poems that could survive a shipwreck and a plane crash."

"[Sebastian] stands alone among poets of our age in his enacting of interventions into the capitulations we each one posit as our response to something or other."

"The Doberman Plot belongs at the vanguard of the new aesthetic. You know, the shitty one."

Anyone for lists?

L I S T O F I D E A S F O R
I D E A S F O R L I S T S .

BY BILL WASIK

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Lists that take notice of the fact that a thing has a silly name, and go on to extrapolate other silly names for that thing

Lists that take notice of the fact that certain phrase is silly, and proceed to come up with other silly phrases, ones that are cleverly parallel to the first phrase that kicked the whole thing off

Lists of things that pertain only to my own life; but unimportant things, so that people reading the list are amused by my feigned narcissism

Lists that allow me to say some things which are themselves funny, but less funny than the fact that the things don't have much to do with each other

Lists that repeat something over and over again, past the point where a lesser humor-writer person might have stopped

Lists that are the unedited dumping-ground of my unconscious

Lists that trivialize the serious

Lists that elevate the trivial

Lists that are, upon reflection, perverse

Lists of reasons why a certain sensibility is squandering the talent of an entire generation of writers

Lists that absolve even as they damn

Lists on a bus, lists on a car

Lists to make you a superstar

Lists to win and lists to lose
But these here lists will rock your shoes

And these are the lists
List it up, list it up, list it up!