Live from the Throes of Self-Doubt

I really meant well when I called her. We hadn't spoken in a while, and she has grown up so fast. She'll be graduating soon and then going to college, and no one knows where her mom will be. I only wanted to see how she was doing. When JF called me back, she did sound suspicious and a little hurt that I had only left the message for LF. Then she called my mom to ask her what was going on: i.e., why is everyone calling LF and MG all of a sudden? Why haven't I been calling my friends and relatives more often? What makes me such a hermit? I've always been like this, but I don't like it. It just takes so much energy to keep in contact with people, for me at least. I like other people, but I also like my privacy and time with my family. Like I told Kim a long time ago (which is probably why she stopped talking to me): I guess I'm just selfish. So are we all being selfish for not wanting JF to move so far away? Or are she and JS being selfish for wanting to find a job making the most amount of money possible, no matter where it might lead them? Why can't he find a job around here? I wish my mom and I had not meddled in this. At least, I wish I hadn't. Guilt is a bitch. And when I called MG to see if she wanted to get together this week, she sounded under-enthused. Or did I just take it that way? MG was right (as usual) that LF is just about grown and having JF around is not a necessity. Writing this is not clarifying how I feel, it just makes plain that I am confused and a bit embarrassed. Sigh. I shoulda used my Spidey Sense...