The 5 worst movies ever to grace my DVD player

1. Dreamcatcher
2. The Postman
3. Freddy Got Fingered
4. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
5. Gangs of New York

What made them so awful? So heinous? Here's what I think:
1. May I never hear the phrase "Fuck me, Freddy" again so long as I live. The bastard who said that deserved to die. If you are perched on the toilet trying to hold down the lid so as to avoid a particularly nasty death, would your toothpick lying on the floor (covered in tainted blood...blood!) still matter to you, though your mouth longed for it so?
2. Kevin Costner. A hero. For delivering mail. Shudder.
3. I hope Tom Green shoots blanks, because his potential spawn is in mortal danger.
4. Mr. C. , you do us an egregious turn by starring in this film. A better film could have been made with action figures, so foul was the dialogue and the acting. Actually, that sounds pretty good. The characters were as flat as Kate Moss' chest.
5. How the fake accents did waver in this bloated, pompous and ultimately empty film! DD Lewis' character (or caricature) was so over the top, I had to laugh. Then I wanted to cry. And why the fuck did C. Diaz have to be in it? This movie was really made by Busby Berkeley! Who knew that everyone was so goddamned clean back then?

OK, I'm done.