Kiss Me, Katy

We sold our house here in BR and will close on it May 26th. We found a house in Katy, Texas and we'll close on that June 1st. Houston itself was a no-go, with us unable to find a nice enough house that wasn't in a seedy neighborhood. So it's Katy for us.
I'm excited and sad, but I can't say which is stronger. I contacted Habitat for Humanity to pick up our dining table and chairs, and it is killing me because the table is the one that has been in my family since before I was born. I know, it's just a table. But it is the table that our family has sat around for 30+ years, the one we have all cried on, laughed around and shared meals together on. It's the same one I nearly burned a huge hole in when I was a senior in high school. I left a candle burning on it atop a paper cup (what the hell was I thinking??) and we all ran outside because it had started to snow, an unheard of occurence in South Louisiana. I came back in and the candle had burned down to the paper cup and the table was smoking!!! Thankfully, no one was mad at me since we were all so excited about the 1 inch of snow on the ground! Yes, we even made a snowman! We put my dad's blue Ford cap on its head and a carrot was its nose. It was damn exciting for us. The next snow I experienced wasn't until January of 2002 in Baton Rouge. See how infrequent it is?

My writing is disjointed and rambling, but who cares. My blood pressure is a bit too high (140/83, pulse rate 100), but my doctor said it's from the stress of the move. And I am too heavy, but food is my only consolation. Hell, everyone has a vice, and mine is food.

So Katy it is and will be. For how long, I don't know. I'll keep everyone updated.

Love, Gren

Some quotes about breaking away from overprotective parents

This is quite a painful issue for me, and my parents are devastated that we are moving. We will only be 3 hours away, but my mom says that "it will never be the same." We'll be in Houston as of May 31st, as that is when we will be closing on our house. Maybe this needs to happen so I can learn to breathe, and stand, on my own. For once. Living with guilt is hard.
"Many people in their 20's and 30's still get sucked into emotional traps and/or need their parents' approval, so much so that they can't be themselves. How does this happen? Inside us all, no matter our age, is an inner child, a left-over from childhood. The inner child contains many needs and wants--many of them primitive, self-serving, and even self-destructive. Parents still have an inner child too. While parents want their children to be capable and happy, there is another part of them that continues to see their children (even when they are 20 or 30) as weak, naive, and needing guidance. The inner child inside mom or dad may be saying "don't grow up, don't leave me." Some of these parents may resent a strong, independent child who is successful or chooses a different life-style or religion or politics or spouse than they would have preferred. To keep such parents from being upset, hurt, or angry, the little child within us may keep secrets from them or respond with "I need you too" or be overly nice and accommodating to them while harboring resentment. The best way to respond to such parents is to bypass their child and address their adult part which wants you to be mature and independent: "It's time for me to live alone" or "Instead of coming home, I've decided to do something else for Christmas this year." Make the interaction adult to adult by giving your reasons in a straight forward manner. Part of your parents may be very pleased you have "grown up" (in spite of their inner child's needs). They may object; consider their reasoning and make your decision.
Halpern helps us recognize these parent-child "song and dance" routines we utilize as long as the child within (us or the parents) is in charge rather than the inner adult. It is a safe bet that you are overly attached to a parent if after 20 you react with anger, guilt, fear of their reaction, or self-pity when you think of a parent. One of the toughest parent roles for a child to handle is the sacrificing martyr. The classic is a mother who says, "If it weren't for you children, I wouldn't have suffered so. You forget all I've done for you. And now everyone forgets their dear old mother." Often such a mother felt unloved and unlovable as a child. The mother's inner child is angry, frightened, and demanding. Now she thinks she can get love from her children only by force, primarily guilt. Her message to the son or daughter is, "If you don't do what I want, I'll feel terrible, all because you are so selfish and hurtful." To stop this "song and dance" the son or daughter has to say, "No, I won't do what you are asking, and it's your choice, mother, to suffer or be happy." You can't rescue your mother or father from her/his unhappy childhood. You can carefully explain your reasons for your actions, showing that you considered their wishes, that you love them, but you have a life of your own. "

Happy Hari Hol Negeri Pahang!

It's a Malaysian holiday about which I know nothing, but I thought the name was funny! I happened to see it on the www.earthcalendar.net website. Feeling woefully ignorant, I did a little investigating into the words themselves. Hari is day, Negeri is country and Pahang is an area in Malaysia. I can't find exactly what is celebrated on this day, but at least I have gone from having a rather inane chuckle at the name of the holiday to wanting to broaden my horizons!

A best-selling title?

"The Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution and All Its Frightful Consequences, In Both Sexes, Considered: With Spiritual and Physical Advice to those who have Already Injured Themselves with This Abominable Practice."
In 1710, a Dutch theologian, Dr. Balthazar Bekker wrote a monograph with this title. Bekker tried his best to link the spiritual and medical consequences of "self-pollution." No one is quite sure what Bekker was basing his opinions on.

Fait Accompli!

My dad had back surgery yesterday and is doing amazingly well today, with no pain or tingling like he has had to deal with since he was 17. He had a spinal fusion with rods and screws, which sounds to me like a hell of a serious procedure, but which his doctor said is a routine procedure for folks about his age (he'll be 65 in a few weeks). He's a little hesitant to move around, but his nurse told him he'll have to suck it up because movement now will help his progress later. We're all so glad he is doing so well.

Anyone for a bit o' Bahlaqeem?

Me either.
http://www.bahlaqeem.com/aboutbahlaqeem.html
Quote from James Burda:
Bahlaqeem Name Origin

The name Bahlaqeem (pronounced baalakeem) came to me during a period of inspiration. It is a made up word and, to my knowledge, has no known meaning except for this intended purpose. It has a soothing vibrational influence and contains the very special number of nine letters.

BRAVO STEPHEN COLBERT!

Although some of what you said had a high cringe-factor, I applaud you for your ballsy speech at the White House dinner!

A question or two...

Is it an independent thought when I ask myself if I am capable of having an independent thought?

I feel like the old guy Matthias who answers the door when the centurions are lookingforBrian in Life of Brian: "My legs are grey. My ears are gnarled. My eyes are old and bent. "

I tend to get everything wrong.

Another quote comes to mind, this time from George Harrison in a Hard Day's Night.

George: "Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong."
The Man: "I beg your pardon?"
George: "Oh yeah, the lads frequently sit around the television and watch her for a giggle. In fact, once we all sat down'n'wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish."
The Man: "She's a trend-setter. It's her profession."
George: "She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things."

Another question: Do I really have anything worthwhile to say?
And another: Would I have the balls to say it if I knew what it was?

I have tended to live my life as a spectator, in the nosebleed section.

Oh the weltschmertz I feel! The ennui! Malaise!


And my spacebar is not working!!!

Take 2 for chronic self-intoxication and call me in the morning

Today I am feeling restless and my mind is fuzzy. I can't concentrate. I called an old friend and could hardly find anything to say to her. She seemed less than enthused to hear from me, or at least that was how I felt. Sigh.

If you are yearning to have a blast from your past...

http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/ is the site to see. I miss the 70s and 80s and the older I get the better it all seems.

My soul on Vinyl

Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever
Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It’s getting hard to be someone
But it all works out,
It doesn’t matter much to me.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever
No one I think is in my tree,
I mean it must be high or low
That is you can’t you know tune in
But it’s all right
That is I think it’s not too bad.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Always, no sometimes, I think it’s me,
But you know I know when it’s a dream.
I think I know I mean a ‘Yes’
But it’s all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Nothing like a lot of hard work to...

get your mind right! My mom and I worked all day cleaning the house inside and out. Funny how the better your house looks, the worse you look. Oh well. Got to get it ready to sell. Hope we get the house we would like... No pool, smaller yard, smaller house. Aaaah.

I'm Fine, Thanks for Asking

Shit. Here I go on another self-deprecating rampage that will only end in me feeling sorry for myself, or worse. I get in moods like this about three times a month. This probably coincides with the imminent move to Houston where everything in my life is going to change, and not all for the negative. I'm experiencing distress AND eustress. It's a Psych 101 word, eustress is.

My mind is foggy and all I find myself good for is sleeping and/or eating. Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen just about all day (at least that is what it felt like) and today I am tired. Also none of us slept last night because I have to quit nursing Ava to get her to sleep lest her teeth rot away. So quoth her dentist.

I have so much clutter in this house, and our pool is green and the lawn needs to be cut. And I have clothes to wash and fold and put away. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.

I Remember Dada

That's the Matter With Kansas
From a proclamation issued December 27, 2005, by Dennis Highberger, mayor of Lawrence, Kansas, which calls itself the “City of the Arts.” The thirteen days of commemoration were chosen by rolling dice and picking numbers out of a hat. Originally from Harper's Magazine, March 2006.

Sources
WHEREAS: Dadaism is an international tendency in art that seeks to change conventional attitudes and practices in aesthetics, society, and morality; and
WHEREAS: Dadaism may or may not have come into being in the summer of 1916 at the Cabaret Voltaire at 1 Spiegelgasse in Zurich, Switzerland, with the participation of Hugo Ball, Tristan Tzara, Emmy Hennings, Marcel and Georges Janco, Jean Arp, and Richard Huelsenbeck; and
WHEREAS: The central message of Dada is the realization that reason and anti-reason, sense and nonsense, design and chance, consciousness and unconsciousness, belong together as necessary parts of a whole; and
WHEREAS: Dada is a virgin microbe that penetrates with the insistence of air into all those spaces that reason has failed to fill with words and conventions; and
WHEREAS: zimzim urallala zimzim urallala zimzim zanzibar zimzalla zam;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Dennis Highberger, Mayor of the City of Lawrence, Kansas, do hereby proclaim the days of February 4, March 28, April 1, July 15, August 2, August 7, August 16, August 26, September 18, September 22, October 1, October 17, and October 26, 2006, as “International Dadaism Month.”

Gedicht

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Today is Our Fourth Anniversary!

March 30, 2002

Here are some pictures

from our wedding day,

which took place at

Aaron's grandparents' house

in Madisonville, LA.

It was a beautiful day!

Me and my dad.

Aaron and my mom.

Aaron and his mom.

Me. I was so utterly nervous before the ceremony!

This was afterwards.

Phew.

A New Look to Remind Me Not to Cling to Safe Harbors

I thought the harbor background would be appropriate since we will be moving soon. Life is so much easier but less rewarding if you always take the easy and safe route. The uncertainty and the unknown which are hiding behind the murky mists of the future scare me but also intrigue me. What will they reveal? It's much simpler to remain mired in the present circumstance. I pray for the power to move beyond this to whatever may be...

And now...a Truce

Ok, so we have decided to call it a draw. Neither one of us wanted to fight, so I said I would feel better if he simply apologized. And he did. We have gotten along better since then. I asked him what I could do to make things better and he said he would like more support for the move to Houston. So I told him that if he would be nicer to me, it would be easier to support him. Ha, touche!!!

Is it Learned Helplessness or is it Memorex?

Haha, I'm not really laughing. My grandfather is doing better now than just about anyone, and he cannot see and can hardly walk. Our two dogs are driving me fucking crazy, and we would give Mazie away, or bring her to the pound, but my sense of guilt won't allow me. She chews up Ava's toys and has destroyed most of the chairs in our dining room. Our two cats are not that much trouble, but there are days when I do not want to scoop cat shit and piss. Dear hubby feels he has the right to be cruel to me, and he has already said that if I do not want to go to Houston, he is taking the baby. And I can go and live "with my mama." He treats me just like my dad treated and somethimes still treats my mom, like a dog or a slave. Never an equal. Is it that he just doesn't care about me or is he just inherently fucking mean? Now he is starting to try to dictate when I can do things, like going to see my sick aunt in the nursing home. If it is inconvenient for him, he will no do it, nor does he want me to break in on his schedule. After all, he works 40 hours a week. No one else does, just him. If he says it one more time, I will puke. Crying does no good. Neither does screaming. I love him, but there are times I do not like him at all. And I don't think he feels much of anything for me at all. What did I do wrong?

The times, they are a-changin'

Well, my grandpa who is 88 is being taken to the ER because he is having strokes. My mom and brother visited him and he wasn't lucid. His blood pressure was up to 200 (top number). My dad is going to have a spinal fusion operation with steel rods and pins this month, and the recovery will be 6-8 months. We are putting the house up for sale very soon and probably moving to Houston in a month or so. All I can do to cope with all this is eat, eat and eat. Oh, and sleep, can't forget that. My God, I hope all will go well. It's scary for your whole life to be turned inside-out.

Please pass the Fruited Plain...

Bye-bye, natural resources! W has a war to fight!