A question or two...

Is it an independent thought when I ask myself if I am capable of having an independent thought?

I feel like the old guy Matthias who answers the door when the centurions are lookingforBrian in Life of Brian: "My legs are grey. My ears are gnarled. My eyes are old and bent. "

I tend to get everything wrong.

Another quote comes to mind, this time from George Harrison in a Hard Day's Night.

George: "Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong."
The Man: "I beg your pardon?"
George: "Oh yeah, the lads frequently sit around the television and watch her for a giggle. In fact, once we all sat down'n'wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish."
The Man: "She's a trend-setter. It's her profession."
George: "She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things."

Another question: Do I really have anything worthwhile to say?
And another: Would I have the balls to say it if I knew what it was?

I have tended to live my life as a spectator, in the nosebleed section.

Oh the weltschmertz I feel! The ennui! Malaise!


And my spacebar is not working!!!

Take 2 for chronic self-intoxication and call me in the morning

Today I am feeling restless and my mind is fuzzy. I can't concentrate. I called an old friend and could hardly find anything to say to her. She seemed less than enthused to hear from me, or at least that was how I felt. Sigh.

If you are yearning to have a blast from your past...

http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/ is the site to see. I miss the 70s and 80s and the older I get the better it all seems.

My soul on Vinyl

Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever
Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It’s getting hard to be someone
But it all works out,
It doesn’t matter much to me.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever
No one I think is in my tree,
I mean it must be high or low
That is you can’t you know tune in
But it’s all right
That is I think it’s not too bad.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Always, no sometimes, I think it’s me,
But you know I know when it’s a dream.
I think I know I mean a ‘Yes’
But it’s all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Nothing like a lot of hard work to...

get your mind right! My mom and I worked all day cleaning the house inside and out. Funny how the better your house looks, the worse you look. Oh well. Got to get it ready to sell. Hope we get the house we would like... No pool, smaller yard, smaller house. Aaaah.

I'm Fine, Thanks for Asking

Shit. Here I go on another self-deprecating rampage that will only end in me feeling sorry for myself, or worse. I get in moods like this about three times a month. This probably coincides with the imminent move to Houston where everything in my life is going to change, and not all for the negative. I'm experiencing distress AND eustress. It's a Psych 101 word, eustress is.

My mind is foggy and all I find myself good for is sleeping and/or eating. Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen just about all day (at least that is what it felt like) and today I am tired. Also none of us slept last night because I have to quit nursing Ava to get her to sleep lest her teeth rot away. So quoth her dentist.

I have so much clutter in this house, and our pool is green and the lawn needs to be cut. And I have clothes to wash and fold and put away. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.

I Remember Dada

That's the Matter With Kansas
From a proclamation issued December 27, 2005, by Dennis Highberger, mayor of Lawrence, Kansas, which calls itself the “City of the Arts.” The thirteen days of commemoration were chosen by rolling dice and picking numbers out of a hat. Originally from Harper's Magazine, March 2006.

Sources
WHEREAS: Dadaism is an international tendency in art that seeks to change conventional attitudes and practices in aesthetics, society, and morality; and
WHEREAS: Dadaism may or may not have come into being in the summer of 1916 at the Cabaret Voltaire at 1 Spiegelgasse in Zurich, Switzerland, with the participation of Hugo Ball, Tristan Tzara, Emmy Hennings, Marcel and Georges Janco, Jean Arp, and Richard Huelsenbeck; and
WHEREAS: The central message of Dada is the realization that reason and anti-reason, sense and nonsense, design and chance, consciousness and unconsciousness, belong together as necessary parts of a whole; and
WHEREAS: Dada is a virgin microbe that penetrates with the insistence of air into all those spaces that reason has failed to fill with words and conventions; and
WHEREAS: zimzim urallala zimzim urallala zimzim zanzibar zimzalla zam;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Dennis Highberger, Mayor of the City of Lawrence, Kansas, do hereby proclaim the days of February 4, March 28, April 1, July 15, August 2, August 7, August 16, August 26, September 18, September 22, October 1, October 17, and October 26, 2006, as “International Dadaism Month.”

Gedicht

b f bw fms bwre fmsbewe beweretä fmsbewetä p beweretäzä fmsbewetäzä pbeweretäzäufmsbeweretäzäupegefmsbewetäzäupegiffQui - E

Today is Our Fourth Anniversary!

March 30, 2002

Here are some pictures

from our wedding day,

which took place at

Aaron's grandparents' house

in Madisonville, LA.

It was a beautiful day!

Me and my dad.

Aaron and my mom.

Aaron and his mom.

Me. I was so utterly nervous before the ceremony!

This was afterwards.

Phew.

A New Look to Remind Me Not to Cling to Safe Harbors

I thought the harbor background would be appropriate since we will be moving soon. Life is so much easier but less rewarding if you always take the easy and safe route. The uncertainty and the unknown which are hiding behind the murky mists of the future scare me but also intrigue me. What will they reveal? It's much simpler to remain mired in the present circumstance. I pray for the power to move beyond this to whatever may be...

And now...a Truce

Ok, so we have decided to call it a draw. Neither one of us wanted to fight, so I said I would feel better if he simply apologized. And he did. We have gotten along better since then. I asked him what I could do to make things better and he said he would like more support for the move to Houston. So I told him that if he would be nicer to me, it would be easier to support him. Ha, touche!!!

Is it Learned Helplessness or is it Memorex?

Haha, I'm not really laughing. My grandfather is doing better now than just about anyone, and he cannot see and can hardly walk. Our two dogs are driving me fucking crazy, and we would give Mazie away, or bring her to the pound, but my sense of guilt won't allow me. She chews up Ava's toys and has destroyed most of the chairs in our dining room. Our two cats are not that much trouble, but there are days when I do not want to scoop cat shit and piss. Dear hubby feels he has the right to be cruel to me, and he has already said that if I do not want to go to Houston, he is taking the baby. And I can go and live "with my mama." He treats me just like my dad treated and somethimes still treats my mom, like a dog or a slave. Never an equal. Is it that he just doesn't care about me or is he just inherently fucking mean? Now he is starting to try to dictate when I can do things, like going to see my sick aunt in the nursing home. If it is inconvenient for him, he will no do it, nor does he want me to break in on his schedule. After all, he works 40 hours a week. No one else does, just him. If he says it one more time, I will puke. Crying does no good. Neither does screaming. I love him, but there are times I do not like him at all. And I don't think he feels much of anything for me at all. What did I do wrong?

The times, they are a-changin'

Well, my grandpa who is 88 is being taken to the ER because he is having strokes. My mom and brother visited him and he wasn't lucid. His blood pressure was up to 200 (top number). My dad is going to have a spinal fusion operation with steel rods and pins this month, and the recovery will be 6-8 months. We are putting the house up for sale very soon and probably moving to Houston in a month or so. All I can do to cope with all this is eat, eat and eat. Oh, and sleep, can't forget that. My God, I hope all will go well. It's scary for your whole life to be turned inside-out.

Please pass the Fruited Plain...

Bye-bye, natural resources! W has a war to fight!

A Must-See Site

http://www.thereverend.com/

Unbelievable that he does this. And pretty darn amusing. He'll probably end up immortalizing the entire bible in Lego.

Here is an intriguing site devoted to world religions, mysteries and belief systems

http://www.sacred-texts.com/index.htm

"A Quiet Place

in Cyberspace

Devoted to

Religious Tolerance

and Scholarship"

The Most Watchable, Lovely, and Endearing Atrocity Ever Filmed?

I haven't seen it. Have you? I would never buy it, but I'd love to see it just for the cringe-value that's inherent in it. This guy wrote a great review of it! Want to know what IT is? Follow the link, my friends!

http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/read.php?id=7471

For some reason, I feel better today

Yesterday was awful for me, and today I don't feel as cantankerous. Just to make sure I was using cantankerous in the proper sense of the word, I looked it up. It means bad-tempered or quarrelsome. Etymology doubtful. My husband can surely testify to that being the right word, then. I told him I was sorry about yesterday's mood and he said he was getting ready to cap my ass with a .22. Ha, I would've appreciated that, I said.

When words are in the dictionary with the etymology given as "doubtful", is this a cop-out?

Would knowing the etymology of words like cantankerous open up a poisonous web of intrigue? I gots ta know.

"This word will blow your head clean off."

Ah, the power of words!

Qu'est-ce qu'on attend pour etre heureux?

What are we waiting for to be happy, the title says. Today has not been good for me, as I have felt very anxious and irritable. I had some Hot Cinnamon Sunset tea so that I could lift myself out of the doldrums I am usually mired in, and I did get a hell of a lot of housework done. BUt man, did I get in a pissy mood. I've been screaming off and on all day, and I have been in a pretty unbearable mood. Now I would love to drown my anxiety in a tankard of ale!

What I wouldn't give to have about 12 beers magically appear before me, waiting to be inhaled. THEN I would feel better. No, I'd probably get all weepy and despondent and "you don't love me" andall that bullshit. So which is worse: depression or anxiety? Depression is like a comfy old coat that weighs about 400 pounds and doesn't let you move, but it's so comforatable and KNOWN. Anxiety is like being attacked by a whirlwind of miniature serrated knives, that cut your flesh with tiny but infinitely irritating jabs. They don't kill you, but make you wish you were dead. You can't think or breathe and all you want to do is scream.

Ooh, I'm mot going to win Ms. Congeniality today, am I? More later, baby is crying.

A Talent Unshared Is Not A Talent At All

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5191503

“I believe we are more than the inhabitants of our cubicles... I believe we are transformed and connected by the power and beauty of our creativity.”

This is a great story on NPR about not letting your talents go to waste. I should draw more, and maybe I will after reading this. Life is not solely for existing...carpe diem!

Yeah, the Simpsons pic is a bit of a non-sequitur for the article, but you'll get over it!

Perambulator Q. Ubiquity's List of Houston Links!

"This is Bat Country!"

-Raoul Duke

Now the Houston links:

www.houston-guide.com

www.guestlife.com/houston

www.har.com

Did you know that there is actually a place in Houston called:

Y'all's Texas Store???!!!?? http://www.yalls.com/

Oh, the humanity.