I Remember Dada

That's the Matter With Kansas
From a proclamation issued December 27, 2005, by Dennis Highberger, mayor of Lawrence, Kansas, which calls itself the “City of the Arts.” The thirteen days of commemoration were chosen by rolling dice and picking numbers out of a hat. Originally from Harper's Magazine, March 2006.

Sources
WHEREAS: Dadaism is an international tendency in art that seeks to change conventional attitudes and practices in aesthetics, society, and morality; and
WHEREAS: Dadaism may or may not have come into being in the summer of 1916 at the Cabaret Voltaire at 1 Spiegelgasse in Zurich, Switzerland, with the participation of Hugo Ball, Tristan Tzara, Emmy Hennings, Marcel and Georges Janco, Jean Arp, and Richard Huelsenbeck; and
WHEREAS: The central message of Dada is the realization that reason and anti-reason, sense and nonsense, design and chance, consciousness and unconsciousness, belong together as necessary parts of a whole; and
WHEREAS: Dada is a virgin microbe that penetrates with the insistence of air into all those spaces that reason has failed to fill with words and conventions; and
WHEREAS: zimzim urallala zimzim urallala zimzim zanzibar zimzalla zam;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Dennis Highberger, Mayor of the City of Lawrence, Kansas, do hereby proclaim the days of February 4, March 28, April 1, July 15, August 2, August 7, August 16, August 26, September 18, September 22, October 1, October 17, and October 26, 2006, as “International Dadaism Month.”

Gedicht

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Today is Our Fourth Anniversary!

March 30, 2002

Here are some pictures

from our wedding day,

which took place at

Aaron's grandparents' house

in Madisonville, LA.

It was a beautiful day!

Me and my dad.

Aaron and my mom.

Aaron and his mom.

Me. I was so utterly nervous before the ceremony!

This was afterwards.

Phew.

A New Look to Remind Me Not to Cling to Safe Harbors

I thought the harbor background would be appropriate since we will be moving soon. Life is so much easier but less rewarding if you always take the easy and safe route. The uncertainty and the unknown which are hiding behind the murky mists of the future scare me but also intrigue me. What will they reveal? It's much simpler to remain mired in the present circumstance. I pray for the power to move beyond this to whatever may be...

And now...a Truce

Ok, so we have decided to call it a draw. Neither one of us wanted to fight, so I said I would feel better if he simply apologized. And he did. We have gotten along better since then. I asked him what I could do to make things better and he said he would like more support for the move to Houston. So I told him that if he would be nicer to me, it would be easier to support him. Ha, touche!!!

Is it Learned Helplessness or is it Memorex?

Haha, I'm not really laughing. My grandfather is doing better now than just about anyone, and he cannot see and can hardly walk. Our two dogs are driving me fucking crazy, and we would give Mazie away, or bring her to the pound, but my sense of guilt won't allow me. She chews up Ava's toys and has destroyed most of the chairs in our dining room. Our two cats are not that much trouble, but there are days when I do not want to scoop cat shit and piss. Dear hubby feels he has the right to be cruel to me, and he has already said that if I do not want to go to Houston, he is taking the baby. And I can go and live "with my mama." He treats me just like my dad treated and somethimes still treats my mom, like a dog or a slave. Never an equal. Is it that he just doesn't care about me or is he just inherently fucking mean? Now he is starting to try to dictate when I can do things, like going to see my sick aunt in the nursing home. If it is inconvenient for him, he will no do it, nor does he want me to break in on his schedule. After all, he works 40 hours a week. No one else does, just him. If he says it one more time, I will puke. Crying does no good. Neither does screaming. I love him, but there are times I do not like him at all. And I don't think he feels much of anything for me at all. What did I do wrong?

The times, they are a-changin'

Well, my grandpa who is 88 is being taken to the ER because he is having strokes. My mom and brother visited him and he wasn't lucid. His blood pressure was up to 200 (top number). My dad is going to have a spinal fusion operation with steel rods and pins this month, and the recovery will be 6-8 months. We are putting the house up for sale very soon and probably moving to Houston in a month or so. All I can do to cope with all this is eat, eat and eat. Oh, and sleep, can't forget that. My God, I hope all will go well. It's scary for your whole life to be turned inside-out.

Please pass the Fruited Plain...

Bye-bye, natural resources! W has a war to fight!

A Must-See Site

http://www.thereverend.com/

Unbelievable that he does this. And pretty darn amusing. He'll probably end up immortalizing the entire bible in Lego.

Here is an intriguing site devoted to world religions, mysteries and belief systems

http://www.sacred-texts.com/index.htm

"A Quiet Place

in Cyberspace

Devoted to

Religious Tolerance

and Scholarship"

The Most Watchable, Lovely, and Endearing Atrocity Ever Filmed?

I haven't seen it. Have you? I would never buy it, but I'd love to see it just for the cringe-value that's inherent in it. This guy wrote a great review of it! Want to know what IT is? Follow the link, my friends!

http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/read.php?id=7471

For some reason, I feel better today

Yesterday was awful for me, and today I don't feel as cantankerous. Just to make sure I was using cantankerous in the proper sense of the word, I looked it up. It means bad-tempered or quarrelsome. Etymology doubtful. My husband can surely testify to that being the right word, then. I told him I was sorry about yesterday's mood and he said he was getting ready to cap my ass with a .22. Ha, I would've appreciated that, I said.

When words are in the dictionary with the etymology given as "doubtful", is this a cop-out?

Would knowing the etymology of words like cantankerous open up a poisonous web of intrigue? I gots ta know.

"This word will blow your head clean off."

Ah, the power of words!

Qu'est-ce qu'on attend pour etre heureux?

What are we waiting for to be happy, the title says. Today has not been good for me, as I have felt very anxious and irritable. I had some Hot Cinnamon Sunset tea so that I could lift myself out of the doldrums I am usually mired in, and I did get a hell of a lot of housework done. BUt man, did I get in a pissy mood. I've been screaming off and on all day, and I have been in a pretty unbearable mood. Now I would love to drown my anxiety in a tankard of ale!

What I wouldn't give to have about 12 beers magically appear before me, waiting to be inhaled. THEN I would feel better. No, I'd probably get all weepy and despondent and "you don't love me" andall that bullshit. So which is worse: depression or anxiety? Depression is like a comfy old coat that weighs about 400 pounds and doesn't let you move, but it's so comforatable and KNOWN. Anxiety is like being attacked by a whirlwind of miniature serrated knives, that cut your flesh with tiny but infinitely irritating jabs. They don't kill you, but make you wish you were dead. You can't think or breathe and all you want to do is scream.

Ooh, I'm mot going to win Ms. Congeniality today, am I? More later, baby is crying.

A Talent Unshared Is Not A Talent At All

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5191503

“I believe we are more than the inhabitants of our cubicles... I believe we are transformed and connected by the power and beauty of our creativity.”

This is a great story on NPR about not letting your talents go to waste. I should draw more, and maybe I will after reading this. Life is not solely for existing...carpe diem!

Yeah, the Simpsons pic is a bit of a non-sequitur for the article, but you'll get over it!

Perambulator Q. Ubiquity's List of Houston Links!

"This is Bat Country!"

-Raoul Duke

Now the Houston links:

www.houston-guide.com

www.guestlife.com/houston

www.har.com

Did you know that there is actually a place in Houston called:

Y'all's Texas Store???!!!?? http://www.yalls.com/

Oh, the humanity.

Oh yeah, we are probably moving to Houston

I would have never thought A would want to move back to Texas, but it looks like we might be moving to Houston in the next few months. I'm sad because I will miss my mom and having other family who live about 30 minutes away. At least there will be more to do there than in BR, which will never be known as a cultural mecca. Is there less crime? Let's hope so. I've heard it is flat, hot and humid with great restaurants and museums. A paved paradise for purveyors of cheap and comely comestibles! A sprawling suburbia surrounding a hopping and hip metropolis! I fear seeing big hair, bigger belt buckles and matching cowboy hats. Will everyone love GWB there? Will everyone be Jumping for Jesus? Can you believe people around here in south Louisiana actually say they are on fire for Jesus?!!? And that they like GWB because he is a (shudder) good Christian? There were signs along one of the main roads here around Christmas saying to boycott WalMart because they did not include Christ in Christmas!!! AAAAGGGHH, get me away from the Bible Belt!!! Disclaimer: living in the Bible Belt can cause significant restricted blood flow to the brain, thereby decreasing cognitive function and increasing likelihood of joining together in large groups to cry, roll about on the ground and say such things as "And we just bless you, father God" with the utmost sincerity. And not laugh. Or wonder how a mere mortal would be able to bestow blessings on a deity.
Yes, I am living in the middle of the Christian Coalition, led by such money-humping God-jockeys as Pat "Smote 'Em All" Robertson. Life would not be as funny without guys like him and the farting preacher Robert Tilton. "Oh, I'm feeling it now......hallelujah!" Next time someone says they have found Jesus, I want to ask them if he was in between the couch cushions. Yeah, if I'm going to hell, I can say I'm already there by having to be subjected to this God-rot. Life of Brian should be shown as a double feature, right after Passion of the Christ. Hell yeah.

This is a more recent picture of our Little Machine. She likes to ham it up for the camera, and she also likes to eat ham! She'll be 14 months old on Valentine's Day! 

Ad Hoc, Ad Loc and Quid Pro Quo!

"So little time, so much to know!" (Thanks to Jeremy Hilary Boob PhD!)
The way my mind works the best is in list form, in tidbits that can be easily digested. I eschew large paragraphs because my mind wanders too much. Anyhoo, here's a list about me and what I seem to do the most or like to do the best (Let's trip the light solipsistic---wtf, just sounded good!)
1) Making lists of things to do instead of actually doing things on the list. I was at my worst before my wedding and then again when I worked at LRS. I worked feverishly at making sure that everything was included on these to-do lists, even making handwritten copies of remaining things to do as they were accomplished! And I wondered why I could get nothing done!!! I think it was my little way of avoiding real action, even thought it took more work to write and update the lists than to the actual things on the list!
2)Not assessing myself and my actions with an internal rubric, but relying on what others say or think. I haven't trusted myself enough to do this. What if I am wrong? But then again, what if others are wrong? I need to have a tougher, more independent mindset.
3)Making sure a list has at least three items in it, so as to appease the Gods of Outlines and Lists. As well as the Lesser Gods of Memos and Hastily-Scribbled Notes. 'Cause it ain't a note with less than two items on it. More like a demi-note or a quasi-list. Dear god, I need my medication increased.
4)Being a Dilettante-of-Sorts. This is in reference to my title for this entry. I dabble, I skim, I wander and wonder then I harvest various and sundry facts about so many things: world culture, language, politics, music, psychology, science. But the truth is, I know very little about a lot. And we all know that just a little knowledge is the most dangerous kind!! But it is a hell of a lot of fun and who am I hurting in the meantime? This type of thing does wonders for your Jeopardy and Trivial Pursuit skills.
5)Being disgusted about the State of Affairs in this Country. There should be no war in Iraq, no crazy-high gas prices or health care costs, a revamping of the entire health care system so that anyone could have access to decent medical care and a wiping-out of the influence that the insane Christian-right has on this country!!! Hopefully things will change in 2008. I don't have much hope before then. Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick, our country is in a shambles.
I guess that's it for right now.

A New Year and Baby Makes One

It's a new year and I'm half-heartedly excited about what it will bring. Ava turned one on December 14th, and we had a great time celebrating that. Christmas was fun, too. Have to go change someone's diaper!!!

Who the hell needs a title, anyway?

I cannot deny that I have been depressed since I quit teaching at R's. I was lucky to get the job, though it didn't pay much. The students are so smart, so ready to learn, and I let them down. Of course, I'm glad to be at home with Ava, but I feel like I gave up a chance to have a great career. Lately I've had a cold which probably contributes to my lethargy, but all I want to do is eat and/or sleep. I even emailed the school telling them that I was looking for a daycare that I would feel comfortable with, but I haven't even started looking yet. I got the email address from the classifieds. They'll probably wonder why the hell I was looking in the classifieds if I quit their school. I feel like such a fool. Granted, it was hard to get along with one vehicle and I was devastated because Ava was not eating or drinking all day at the daycare, but I didn't give R's a chance. They were offering to help me find a daycare, too. The only fucking place that was ever happy with my job performance, and I leave them high and dry. Honestly, I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't just "suck it up" and let Ava be miserable for a few weeks. I know she'll eventually have to go through it anyway, but hell, I wasn't ready to let her go. People are so divided on the work or stay home issue: it's very polarized. I haven't met anyone who didn't have a strong view one way or the other. I'm still torn because I feel I let the school and Ava down, because they are stranded without a teacher and Ava is getting no social interaction of any kind. And it's all my fault. I also hate the bizarre way I react to stress. I'll flee out of desperation, only to backtrack and apologize and make a bigger mess out of the situation. Damnit.

You know, I have a sad little existence. I have a blog and I am the only one who looks at it. And the saddest thing is that I keep checking to see if anyone has looked at it. Pathetic. I won't let many people get close to me and I'm too fucking afraid to venture out and do anything. Maybe that guy was right so long ago when he told me I have no life. It was true then and it is true now. I'd like to trade in my mind for a new one. My mind is not functioning because all my working memory is focused on rehashing the past. I keep thinking of times when I felt attractive and vital, yet no one could come near me. I've always lived my life from inside my head, where I made the rules and no one could hurt me. I could do the hurting if I wanted. Back then others were expendable and I jettisoned potential suitors left and right. Of course, any love affairs I had then were one-sided. Ha, they didn't even know I was interested in them. Now I'm married, and my head is still in the clouds. Oh, nice cliche there. Why not say your head is up your ass? That's such a banal expression, too.
Honestly, considering the way I've been all my life, I can almost understand why ALB is mean to me at times. I'd say I deserve it. Ah, depression is a motherfucker and I'm all up in it.

It's the Flab Three!

It's Flabby Road with the hits "He's So Heavy" and "He Got Stuck in the Bathroom Window."