My kind of station...So pathetic, it's brilliant!

XM: Special X, Channel 848

Rock on, boys!

Special X is traditional radio's worst nightmare...a collection of the most bizarre and often worst music ever recorded. So pathetic...it's brilliant. A clearly deranged channel, Special X will take any sane mind to new depths of artistic insanity.

Just played:

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy by Those Darn Accordians. Yes, you hear a triangle in there! Put together wobbly vocals, strange musical accompaniments, the tingle of a triangle and Rod Stewart's saucy sexed-up disco lyrics and what you have is a god-awful mess, or genius!

Either way, it's fun!

Now playing is Like A Rolling Stone butchered, erm, recited by Sebastian Cabot of Family Affair. Yes, Mr. French does Dylan. Badly.

But good for a larf. He does sound sincere, which makes it even funnier.

Like the station's slogan says, "If everyone hates it, we'll probably play it!"

Love it!

Newest pictures of our girl...April/May 2006

Ava and Dad cuddling at the computer. She loves to press buttons of any kind, but especially ones that make us say "Oh, no, not THAT button!"
These two were at our old house.
She had just started walking here. How exciting!


Here she is in Pinky's house in Houston, just chilling on the couch!

Mommy and Baby Napping

This was taken in May 2006.

Louisiana and Texas, Old Home, New Home

Louisiana, you'll always be my home and in my heart.
Texas, we've come to stay a while.

Settling in

We moved in on June 7th and I've been busy trying to unpack and get settled in. I've had bouts of depression and anxiety already, and I guess that's to be expected with such a big move. Being away from my family and the few friends I had made is pretty unsettling, but I can say it has opened my eyes to who I am. When you have no support system around you, you are forced to look inward. And I don't like what I see, overall. I've been so selfish my whole life. And I didn't even realize it until relatively recently. Life is so much more than just me. Making sure that others are happy is so important. I wish I could redo much of my life. But all I can do is to make sure that I remember that from here on out.

Kiss Me, Katy

We sold our house here in BR and will close on it May 26th. We found a house in Katy, Texas and we'll close on that June 1st. Houston itself was a no-go, with us unable to find a nice enough house that wasn't in a seedy neighborhood. So it's Katy for us.
I'm excited and sad, but I can't say which is stronger. I contacted Habitat for Humanity to pick up our dining table and chairs, and it is killing me because the table is the one that has been in my family since before I was born. I know, it's just a table. But it is the table that our family has sat around for 30+ years, the one we have all cried on, laughed around and shared meals together on. It's the same one I nearly burned a huge hole in when I was a senior in high school. I left a candle burning on it atop a paper cup (what the hell was I thinking??) and we all ran outside because it had started to snow, an unheard of occurence in South Louisiana. I came back in and the candle had burned down to the paper cup and the table was smoking!!! Thankfully, no one was mad at me since we were all so excited about the 1 inch of snow on the ground! Yes, we even made a snowman! We put my dad's blue Ford cap on its head and a carrot was its nose. It was damn exciting for us. The next snow I experienced wasn't until January of 2002 in Baton Rouge. See how infrequent it is?

My writing is disjointed and rambling, but who cares. My blood pressure is a bit too high (140/83, pulse rate 100), but my doctor said it's from the stress of the move. And I am too heavy, but food is my only consolation. Hell, everyone has a vice, and mine is food.

So Katy it is and will be. For how long, I don't know. I'll keep everyone updated.

Love, Gren

Some quotes about breaking away from overprotective parents

This is quite a painful issue for me, and my parents are devastated that we are moving. We will only be 3 hours away, but my mom says that "it will never be the same." We'll be in Houston as of May 31st, as that is when we will be closing on our house. Maybe this needs to happen so I can learn to breathe, and stand, on my own. For once. Living with guilt is hard.
"Many people in their 20's and 30's still get sucked into emotional traps and/or need their parents' approval, so much so that they can't be themselves. How does this happen? Inside us all, no matter our age, is an inner child, a left-over from childhood. The inner child contains many needs and wants--many of them primitive, self-serving, and even self-destructive. Parents still have an inner child too. While parents want their children to be capable and happy, there is another part of them that continues to see their children (even when they are 20 or 30) as weak, naive, and needing guidance. The inner child inside mom or dad may be saying "don't grow up, don't leave me." Some of these parents may resent a strong, independent child who is successful or chooses a different life-style or religion or politics or spouse than they would have preferred. To keep such parents from being upset, hurt, or angry, the little child within us may keep secrets from them or respond with "I need you too" or be overly nice and accommodating to them while harboring resentment. The best way to respond to such parents is to bypass their child and address their adult part which wants you to be mature and independent: "It's time for me to live alone" or "Instead of coming home, I've decided to do something else for Christmas this year." Make the interaction adult to adult by giving your reasons in a straight forward manner. Part of your parents may be very pleased you have "grown up" (in spite of their inner child's needs). They may object; consider their reasoning and make your decision.
Halpern helps us recognize these parent-child "song and dance" routines we utilize as long as the child within (us or the parents) is in charge rather than the inner adult. It is a safe bet that you are overly attached to a parent if after 20 you react with anger, guilt, fear of their reaction, or self-pity when you think of a parent. One of the toughest parent roles for a child to handle is the sacrificing martyr. The classic is a mother who says, "If it weren't for you children, I wouldn't have suffered so. You forget all I've done for you. And now everyone forgets their dear old mother." Often such a mother felt unloved and unlovable as a child. The mother's inner child is angry, frightened, and demanding. Now she thinks she can get love from her children only by force, primarily guilt. Her message to the son or daughter is, "If you don't do what I want, I'll feel terrible, all because you are so selfish and hurtful." To stop this "song and dance" the son or daughter has to say, "No, I won't do what you are asking, and it's your choice, mother, to suffer or be happy." You can't rescue your mother or father from her/his unhappy childhood. You can carefully explain your reasons for your actions, showing that you considered their wishes, that you love them, but you have a life of your own. "

Happy Hari Hol Negeri Pahang!

It's a Malaysian holiday about which I know nothing, but I thought the name was funny! I happened to see it on the www.earthcalendar.net website. Feeling woefully ignorant, I did a little investigating into the words themselves. Hari is day, Negeri is country and Pahang is an area in Malaysia. I can't find exactly what is celebrated on this day, but at least I have gone from having a rather inane chuckle at the name of the holiday to wanting to broaden my horizons!

A best-selling title?

"The Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution and All Its Frightful Consequences, In Both Sexes, Considered: With Spiritual and Physical Advice to those who have Already Injured Themselves with This Abominable Practice."
In 1710, a Dutch theologian, Dr. Balthazar Bekker wrote a monograph with this title. Bekker tried his best to link the spiritual and medical consequences of "self-pollution." No one is quite sure what Bekker was basing his opinions on.

Fait Accompli!

My dad had back surgery yesterday and is doing amazingly well today, with no pain or tingling like he has had to deal with since he was 17. He had a spinal fusion with rods and screws, which sounds to me like a hell of a serious procedure, but which his doctor said is a routine procedure for folks about his age (he'll be 65 in a few weeks). He's a little hesitant to move around, but his nurse told him he'll have to suck it up because movement now will help his progress later. We're all so glad he is doing so well.

Anyone for a bit o' Bahlaqeem?

Me either.
http://www.bahlaqeem.com/aboutbahlaqeem.html
Quote from James Burda:
Bahlaqeem Name Origin

The name Bahlaqeem (pronounced baalakeem) came to me during a period of inspiration. It is a made up word and, to my knowledge, has no known meaning except for this intended purpose. It has a soothing vibrational influence and contains the very special number of nine letters.

BRAVO STEPHEN COLBERT!

Although some of what you said had a high cringe-factor, I applaud you for your ballsy speech at the White House dinner!

A question or two...

Is it an independent thought when I ask myself if I am capable of having an independent thought?

I feel like the old guy Matthias who answers the door when the centurions are lookingforBrian in Life of Brian: "My legs are grey. My ears are gnarled. My eyes are old and bent. "

I tend to get everything wrong.

Another quote comes to mind, this time from George Harrison in a Hard Day's Night.

George: "Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong."
The Man: "I beg your pardon?"
George: "Oh yeah, the lads frequently sit around the television and watch her for a giggle. In fact, once we all sat down'n'wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish."
The Man: "She's a trend-setter. It's her profession."
George: "She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things."

Another question: Do I really have anything worthwhile to say?
And another: Would I have the balls to say it if I knew what it was?

I have tended to live my life as a spectator, in the nosebleed section.

Oh the weltschmertz I feel! The ennui! Malaise!


And my spacebar is not working!!!

Take 2 for chronic self-intoxication and call me in the morning

Today I am feeling restless and my mind is fuzzy. I can't concentrate. I called an old friend and could hardly find anything to say to her. She seemed less than enthused to hear from me, or at least that was how I felt. Sigh.

If you are yearning to have a blast from your past...

http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/ is the site to see. I miss the 70s and 80s and the older I get the better it all seems.

My soul on Vinyl

Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever
Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It’s getting hard to be someone
But it all works out,
It doesn’t matter much to me.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever
No one I think is in my tree,
I mean it must be high or low
That is you can’t you know tune in
But it’s all right
That is I think it’s not too bad.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Always, no sometimes, I think it’s me,
But you know I know when it’s a dream.
I think I know I mean a ‘Yes’
But it’s all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down,
‘Cos I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Nothing like a lot of hard work to...

get your mind right! My mom and I worked all day cleaning the house inside and out. Funny how the better your house looks, the worse you look. Oh well. Got to get it ready to sell. Hope we get the house we would like... No pool, smaller yard, smaller house. Aaaah.

I'm Fine, Thanks for Asking

Shit. Here I go on another self-deprecating rampage that will only end in me feeling sorry for myself, or worse. I get in moods like this about three times a month. This probably coincides with the imminent move to Houston where everything in my life is going to change, and not all for the negative. I'm experiencing distress AND eustress. It's a Psych 101 word, eustress is.

My mind is foggy and all I find myself good for is sleeping and/or eating. Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen just about all day (at least that is what it felt like) and today I am tired. Also none of us slept last night because I have to quit nursing Ava to get her to sleep lest her teeth rot away. So quoth her dentist.

I have so much clutter in this house, and our pool is green and the lawn needs to be cut. And I have clothes to wash and fold and put away. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.

I Remember Dada

That's the Matter With Kansas
From a proclamation issued December 27, 2005, by Dennis Highberger, mayor of Lawrence, Kansas, which calls itself the “City of the Arts.” The thirteen days of commemoration were chosen by rolling dice and picking numbers out of a hat. Originally from Harper's Magazine, March 2006.

Sources
WHEREAS: Dadaism is an international tendency in art that seeks to change conventional attitudes and practices in aesthetics, society, and morality; and
WHEREAS: Dadaism may or may not have come into being in the summer of 1916 at the Cabaret Voltaire at 1 Spiegelgasse in Zurich, Switzerland, with the participation of Hugo Ball, Tristan Tzara, Emmy Hennings, Marcel and Georges Janco, Jean Arp, and Richard Huelsenbeck; and
WHEREAS: The central message of Dada is the realization that reason and anti-reason, sense and nonsense, design and chance, consciousness and unconsciousness, belong together as necessary parts of a whole; and
WHEREAS: Dada is a virgin microbe that penetrates with the insistence of air into all those spaces that reason has failed to fill with words and conventions; and
WHEREAS: zimzim urallala zimzim urallala zimzim zanzibar zimzalla zam;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Dennis Highberger, Mayor of the City of Lawrence, Kansas, do hereby proclaim the days of February 4, March 28, April 1, July 15, August 2, August 7, August 16, August 26, September 18, September 22, October 1, October 17, and October 26, 2006, as “International Dadaism Month.”

Gedicht

b f bw fms bwre fmsbewe beweretä fmsbewetä p beweretäzä fmsbewetäzä pbeweretäzäufmsbeweretäzäupegefmsbewetäzäupegiffQui - E

Today is Our Fourth Anniversary!

March 30, 2002

Here are some pictures

from our wedding day,

which took place at

Aaron's grandparents' house

in Madisonville, LA.

It was a beautiful day!

Me and my dad.

Aaron and my mom.

Aaron and his mom.

Me. I was so utterly nervous before the ceremony!

This was afterwards.

Phew.

A New Look to Remind Me Not to Cling to Safe Harbors

I thought the harbor background would be appropriate since we will be moving soon. Life is so much easier but less rewarding if you always take the easy and safe route. The uncertainty and the unknown which are hiding behind the murky mists of the future scare me but also intrigue me. What will they reveal? It's much simpler to remain mired in the present circumstance. I pray for the power to move beyond this to whatever may be...

And now...a Truce

Ok, so we have decided to call it a draw. Neither one of us wanted to fight, so I said I would feel better if he simply apologized. And he did. We have gotten along better since then. I asked him what I could do to make things better and he said he would like more support for the move to Houston. So I told him that if he would be nicer to me, it would be easier to support him. Ha, touche!!!

Is it Learned Helplessness or is it Memorex?

Haha, I'm not really laughing. My grandfather is doing better now than just about anyone, and he cannot see and can hardly walk. Our two dogs are driving me fucking crazy, and we would give Mazie away, or bring her to the pound, but my sense of guilt won't allow me. She chews up Ava's toys and has destroyed most of the chairs in our dining room. Our two cats are not that much trouble, but there are days when I do not want to scoop cat shit and piss. Dear hubby feels he has the right to be cruel to me, and he has already said that if I do not want to go to Houston, he is taking the baby. And I can go and live "with my mama." He treats me just like my dad treated and somethimes still treats my mom, like a dog or a slave. Never an equal. Is it that he just doesn't care about me or is he just inherently fucking mean? Now he is starting to try to dictate when I can do things, like going to see my sick aunt in the nursing home. If it is inconvenient for him, he will no do it, nor does he want me to break in on his schedule. After all, he works 40 hours a week. No one else does, just him. If he says it one more time, I will puke. Crying does no good. Neither does screaming. I love him, but there are times I do not like him at all. And I don't think he feels much of anything for me at all. What did I do wrong?

The times, they are a-changin'

Well, my grandpa who is 88 is being taken to the ER because he is having strokes. My mom and brother visited him and he wasn't lucid. His blood pressure was up to 200 (top number). My dad is going to have a spinal fusion operation with steel rods and pins this month, and the recovery will be 6-8 months. We are putting the house up for sale very soon and probably moving to Houston in a month or so. All I can do to cope with all this is eat, eat and eat. Oh, and sleep, can't forget that. My God, I hope all will go well. It's scary for your whole life to be turned inside-out.

Please pass the Fruited Plain...

Bye-bye, natural resources! W has a war to fight!

A Must-See Site

http://www.thereverend.com/

Unbelievable that he does this. And pretty darn amusing. He'll probably end up immortalizing the entire bible in Lego.

Here is an intriguing site devoted to world religions, mysteries and belief systems

http://www.sacred-texts.com/index.htm

"A Quiet Place

in Cyberspace

Devoted to

Religious Tolerance

and Scholarship"

The Most Watchable, Lovely, and Endearing Atrocity Ever Filmed?

I haven't seen it. Have you? I would never buy it, but I'd love to see it just for the cringe-value that's inherent in it. This guy wrote a great review of it! Want to know what IT is? Follow the link, my friends!

http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/read.php?id=7471

For some reason, I feel better today

Yesterday was awful for me, and today I don't feel as cantankerous. Just to make sure I was using cantankerous in the proper sense of the word, I looked it up. It means bad-tempered or quarrelsome. Etymology doubtful. My husband can surely testify to that being the right word, then. I told him I was sorry about yesterday's mood and he said he was getting ready to cap my ass with a .22. Ha, I would've appreciated that, I said.

When words are in the dictionary with the etymology given as "doubtful", is this a cop-out?

Would knowing the etymology of words like cantankerous open up a poisonous web of intrigue? I gots ta know.

"This word will blow your head clean off."

Ah, the power of words!

Qu'est-ce qu'on attend pour etre heureux?

What are we waiting for to be happy, the title says. Today has not been good for me, as I have felt very anxious and irritable. I had some Hot Cinnamon Sunset tea so that I could lift myself out of the doldrums I am usually mired in, and I did get a hell of a lot of housework done. BUt man, did I get in a pissy mood. I've been screaming off and on all day, and I have been in a pretty unbearable mood. Now I would love to drown my anxiety in a tankard of ale!

What I wouldn't give to have about 12 beers magically appear before me, waiting to be inhaled. THEN I would feel better. No, I'd probably get all weepy and despondent and "you don't love me" andall that bullshit. So which is worse: depression or anxiety? Depression is like a comfy old coat that weighs about 400 pounds and doesn't let you move, but it's so comforatable and KNOWN. Anxiety is like being attacked by a whirlwind of miniature serrated knives, that cut your flesh with tiny but infinitely irritating jabs. They don't kill you, but make you wish you were dead. You can't think or breathe and all you want to do is scream.

Ooh, I'm mot going to win Ms. Congeniality today, am I? More later, baby is crying.

A Talent Unshared Is Not A Talent At All

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5191503

“I believe we are more than the inhabitants of our cubicles... I believe we are transformed and connected by the power and beauty of our creativity.”

This is a great story on NPR about not letting your talents go to waste. I should draw more, and maybe I will after reading this. Life is not solely for existing...carpe diem!

Yeah, the Simpsons pic is a bit of a non-sequitur for the article, but you'll get over it!

Perambulator Q. Ubiquity's List of Houston Links!

"This is Bat Country!"

-Raoul Duke

Now the Houston links:

www.houston-guide.com

www.guestlife.com/houston

www.har.com

Did you know that there is actually a place in Houston called:

Y'all's Texas Store???!!!?? http://www.yalls.com/

Oh, the humanity.

Oh yeah, we are probably moving to Houston

I would have never thought A would want to move back to Texas, but it looks like we might be moving to Houston in the next few months. I'm sad because I will miss my mom and having other family who live about 30 minutes away. At least there will be more to do there than in BR, which will never be known as a cultural mecca. Is there less crime? Let's hope so. I've heard it is flat, hot and humid with great restaurants and museums. A paved paradise for purveyors of cheap and comely comestibles! A sprawling suburbia surrounding a hopping and hip metropolis! I fear seeing big hair, bigger belt buckles and matching cowboy hats. Will everyone love GWB there? Will everyone be Jumping for Jesus? Can you believe people around here in south Louisiana actually say they are on fire for Jesus?!!? And that they like GWB because he is a (shudder) good Christian? There were signs along one of the main roads here around Christmas saying to boycott WalMart because they did not include Christ in Christmas!!! AAAAGGGHH, get me away from the Bible Belt!!! Disclaimer: living in the Bible Belt can cause significant restricted blood flow to the brain, thereby decreasing cognitive function and increasing likelihood of joining together in large groups to cry, roll about on the ground and say such things as "And we just bless you, father God" with the utmost sincerity. And not laugh. Or wonder how a mere mortal would be able to bestow blessings on a deity.
Yes, I am living in the middle of the Christian Coalition, led by such money-humping God-jockeys as Pat "Smote 'Em All" Robertson. Life would not be as funny without guys like him and the farting preacher Robert Tilton. "Oh, I'm feeling it now......hallelujah!" Next time someone says they have found Jesus, I want to ask them if he was in between the couch cushions. Yeah, if I'm going to hell, I can say I'm already there by having to be subjected to this God-rot. Life of Brian should be shown as a double feature, right after Passion of the Christ. Hell yeah.

This is a more recent picture of our Little Machine. She likes to ham it up for the camera, and she also likes to eat ham! She'll be 14 months old on Valentine's Day! 

Ad Hoc, Ad Loc and Quid Pro Quo!

"So little time, so much to know!" (Thanks to Jeremy Hilary Boob PhD!)
The way my mind works the best is in list form, in tidbits that can be easily digested. I eschew large paragraphs because my mind wanders too much. Anyhoo, here's a list about me and what I seem to do the most or like to do the best (Let's trip the light solipsistic---wtf, just sounded good!)
1) Making lists of things to do instead of actually doing things on the list. I was at my worst before my wedding and then again when I worked at LRS. I worked feverishly at making sure that everything was included on these to-do lists, even making handwritten copies of remaining things to do as they were accomplished! And I wondered why I could get nothing done!!! I think it was my little way of avoiding real action, even thought it took more work to write and update the lists than to the actual things on the list!
2)Not assessing myself and my actions with an internal rubric, but relying on what others say or think. I haven't trusted myself enough to do this. What if I am wrong? But then again, what if others are wrong? I need to have a tougher, more independent mindset.
3)Making sure a list has at least three items in it, so as to appease the Gods of Outlines and Lists. As well as the Lesser Gods of Memos and Hastily-Scribbled Notes. 'Cause it ain't a note with less than two items on it. More like a demi-note or a quasi-list. Dear god, I need my medication increased.
4)Being a Dilettante-of-Sorts. This is in reference to my title for this entry. I dabble, I skim, I wander and wonder then I harvest various and sundry facts about so many things: world culture, language, politics, music, psychology, science. But the truth is, I know very little about a lot. And we all know that just a little knowledge is the most dangerous kind!! But it is a hell of a lot of fun and who am I hurting in the meantime? This type of thing does wonders for your Jeopardy and Trivial Pursuit skills.
5)Being disgusted about the State of Affairs in this Country. There should be no war in Iraq, no crazy-high gas prices or health care costs, a revamping of the entire health care system so that anyone could have access to decent medical care and a wiping-out of the influence that the insane Christian-right has on this country!!! Hopefully things will change in 2008. I don't have much hope before then. Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick, our country is in a shambles.
I guess that's it for right now.

A New Year and Baby Makes One

It's a new year and I'm half-heartedly excited about what it will bring. Ava turned one on December 14th, and we had a great time celebrating that. Christmas was fun, too. Have to go change someone's diaper!!!

Who the hell needs a title, anyway?

I cannot deny that I have been depressed since I quit teaching at R's. I was lucky to get the job, though it didn't pay much. The students are so smart, so ready to learn, and I let them down. Of course, I'm glad to be at home with Ava, but I feel like I gave up a chance to have a great career. Lately I've had a cold which probably contributes to my lethargy, but all I want to do is eat and/or sleep. I even emailed the school telling them that I was looking for a daycare that I would feel comfortable with, but I haven't even started looking yet. I got the email address from the classifieds. They'll probably wonder why the hell I was looking in the classifieds if I quit their school. I feel like such a fool. Granted, it was hard to get along with one vehicle and I was devastated because Ava was not eating or drinking all day at the daycare, but I didn't give R's a chance. They were offering to help me find a daycare, too. The only fucking place that was ever happy with my job performance, and I leave them high and dry. Honestly, I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't just "suck it up" and let Ava be miserable for a few weeks. I know she'll eventually have to go through it anyway, but hell, I wasn't ready to let her go. People are so divided on the work or stay home issue: it's very polarized. I haven't met anyone who didn't have a strong view one way or the other. I'm still torn because I feel I let the school and Ava down, because they are stranded without a teacher and Ava is getting no social interaction of any kind. And it's all my fault. I also hate the bizarre way I react to stress. I'll flee out of desperation, only to backtrack and apologize and make a bigger mess out of the situation. Damnit.

You know, I have a sad little existence. I have a blog and I am the only one who looks at it. And the saddest thing is that I keep checking to see if anyone has looked at it. Pathetic. I won't let many people get close to me and I'm too fucking afraid to venture out and do anything. Maybe that guy was right so long ago when he told me I have no life. It was true then and it is true now. I'd like to trade in my mind for a new one. My mind is not functioning because all my working memory is focused on rehashing the past. I keep thinking of times when I felt attractive and vital, yet no one could come near me. I've always lived my life from inside my head, where I made the rules and no one could hurt me. I could do the hurting if I wanted. Back then others were expendable and I jettisoned potential suitors left and right. Of course, any love affairs I had then were one-sided. Ha, they didn't even know I was interested in them. Now I'm married, and my head is still in the clouds. Oh, nice cliche there. Why not say your head is up your ass? That's such a banal expression, too.
Honestly, considering the way I've been all my life, I can almost understand why ALB is mean to me at times. I'd say I deserve it. Ah, depression is a motherfucker and I'm all up in it.

It's the Flab Three!

It's Flabby Road with the hits "He's So Heavy" and "He Got Stuck in the Bathroom Window."

Uncommon Goods I Like

Most of these things can be found and/or purchased on www.uncommongoods.com.
Usually when I visit sites like these (which is all the freaking time), I think about what other people would like. This is what I personally would like, or just think is cool.

Quench your thirst for something that straddles the line between fun and fine jewelry. Oregon-based artist Laura Beamer rivets recycled bottle caps to sterling silver for a refreshing new look that celebrates "pop" culture. The 16-inch bead chain dangling a diet cola pendant and its matching earrings pay tribute to a cola giant's first sugar-free drink that grew to prominence in the 80's, while the bracelet's burst of different flavors makes for a sweet carbonated concoction.

There is a Native American belief that birds are the messengers between heaven and earth. The tiny creatures also happen to have an excellent sense of direction! With this is mind, Susan LeVine designed this inspired set of guide birds. Each morning - or any time you feel the need - close your eyes and choose one of the darling painted ceramic birds. Place it on the green tree plate and let the painted word on its breast be your theme for the day. Each bird represents a different quality, such as “forgiveness,” “peace,” “gratitude,” “courage” and more. A thoughtful gift for a friend - or motivation to help you spread your own wings. Each set comes with 12 guide birds, a tree display plate, and a gift box.






Using recycled materials, designer Jessica Lee creates these one-of-a-kind bracelets, destined to become treasured pieces in your collection. Made from vintage pottery and reclaimed glass set in sterling silver, this unique bracelet is a lovely connection to the past, as well as a stylish look for the future. Due to the recycled nature of this piece, pottery and stained glass colors will vary.




These thermoses will add pep and refreshment to any outing, no matter what you're drinking. The beverage flasks feature a double glass carafe interior surrounded by a metal shell, with a flexible stopper, a handle for carrying and a side handle for easy pouring. These decorative containers work well for both hot and cold beverages, too. Choose from a striped or polka-dot pattern.


Add a graceful touch of nature to your home with this hand woven flower doormat. It's made from durable coconut fiber, so it'll get those feet cleaned quickly, and the mat gives your guests a warm welcome with its earthy tones and soft design. Handmade in the coastal villages of southern India.


Enhance your meditation and enlighten your mind with these scented candles that'll make any room a place you'll want to stay for hours.
Each candle features its own design, scent and thought-provoking proverb to make meditating - or just relaxing - all the more enjoyable and effective. Choose from warm sake, wasabi pear or umeboshi plum, or get the whole set. Each candle burns for 90 hours.

These playful playthings will always make you feel good. Colorful and soft, the laughing bag chuckles gleefully when squeezed, while the love bag professes his affection for you in three different ways. A great gift for someone who needs a pick-me-up, or anyone who just wants to have fun.

Before you accept Jesus into your heart, consider the following:

1) Would the presence of a divine redeemer compromise blood flow in your heart? If coronary problems do arise from said occupation, would He assist in defraying medical costs? Should He sign a waiver of liability before inhabiting your chest?
2) A wise person would definitely request that Jesus pay some rent for taking up all that space. I mean, somebody's got to make a living here.
3) Would the arrangement be considered a time-share as there are obviously other hearts in which Jesus has set up shop?
4) Could Jesus bring his pets? Is there a limit to how many sheep you will allow?
5) Given the relatively small space, one would have to tell Jesus that under no conditions would any of his apostles be allowed to crash there.
6) How about just letting Frankie Avalon into your heart?

Milton Keynes, anyone?

*UPDATE! UK A NO-GO-GO*

We might be moving to the UK so that Aaron will work on ShawTrac. We'll be there at leas a year. Here is a description of the town where he'll be working. As Auntie Jan predicted, my mom is shitting kittens at the prospect of us moving there.

There are not many cities in Europe where you can go shopping, snow-boarding, water-skiing and sailing - then catch a west-end show at a popular and successful theatre - so you may be surprised to learn that you can do all this and more in the ‘new city’ of Milton Keynes.
If you’re a sports fanatic you may be interested to know that Milton Keynes is fast becoming the UK’s extreme sports capital. Xscape is the ultimate leisure complex where you can practice skiing and snow-boarding on the slopes of the UK’s longest indoor real-snow slope, or try your hand at mountaineering on the indoor climbing wall. But if it’s water sports you’re after then head to Willen Lake where Whitecap Leisure offers you the opportunity to go water-skiing and wakeboarding on the UK’s longest cable tow.
If extreme shopping is your passion then you’ll be in paradise when you visit central Milton Keynes as it’s home to one of the longest indoor shopping centre’s in Europe. thecentre:mk expands over three miles and is accompanied by Midsummer Place and Xscape, which together provide more than 300 shops boasting big name designer and high street stores, restaurants and café’s. The adjacent Theatre District also offers a wide choice of restaurants and bars and is home to the UK’s most successful regional theatre, MK Theatre; and MK Gallery, which hosts around 10 free exhibitions every year.
Must see and do
Xscape, the ultimate leisure complex and real indoor snow slope, Milton Keynes
Willen Lake
thecentre:mk and Midsummer Place, Milton Keynes
Peace Pagoda
Bletchley Park and Station X
Woburn Abbey
Woburn Safari Park
Stowe Landscape Gardens
Gulliver’s Land
Grand Union Canal

This "ancient artifact" was planted at the British Museum (not in MK).

O Totem, My Totem

"What Would Basil Do?" I doubt that Basil's totem would be a butterfly. He would probably have a Newt or a Vole for his. Or a toad.

I took a test at www.crystal-cure.com and I was told my totem was a...

BUTTERFLY

You are a delightful soul that has transformed earlier neediness, greed, and survival programs into days that are filled with life and radiant sunshine. You are compassionate, knowing and understanding the suffering of others. You tend to feel or know that wherever you are, you are in the right place and the right time. You are a healer of the mind and soul. You know that man does not live by bread alone, and seek sustenance by drinking from the "ambrosia" of the gods. This communion with life and Spirit sustains you in good humor and even allows you to momentarily touch the ecstatic, in bliss, God, Grace, Spirit and Life.

You bring a smile, trust and a delight to the moment while empowering, imploring, and affirming the best of life in and for people. You are charming, and will have success in social and domestic relationships. Few can find fault with you, and you are usually are a pleasure to be around. You are fascinated with people and your visage is frequently that of a person that is radiant and oft times content.
The innocent, the child, the animals and most humans view you as being harmless. Others miss your sensitivity, and unless you are careful, you may protect your self by flitting around from person to person, job to job or party to party. You are self contained and must allow others that are not as quick or brilliant to be and share with you. You are the conductor in a divine symphony, and often are the only one that knows the score.
In business you must make the rounds and build good will with your customers, principles, vendors or others in your business or networking community. You are a mediator and diplomat. Get people together and you'll show how you shine. You may be asked to participate in a social, business or charity function. Join the Lions Club, Better Business Bureau, or local civic organization. Conversation should be about family, children and friends, not business. Profile your business by volunteering your time and effort, not just money.
A few thoughtful words coupled by minor gifts or demonstrations of gratitude will go along way in endearing yourself to others. This is a time to actively praise others for their effort and good work. Tickets to a game, a concert, or picking up the cost of a mini-vacation or gift certificate to a restaurant will reap a later harvest of gold.
You must stick to a schedule if you hope to accomplish anything during this time. Make sure your manners are impeccable and that you reformat topic matter to show the you have heard others concerns and their needs. Do not neglect the customer or person at hand for one that has just entered or interrupts you. There is a small window of opportunity, take advantage of it.
You may hear of a business acquaintance dying, leaving their post or being sought out by another company.
In love this is a time of being hopeful and optimistic. It is sunny skies with a forecast of no rain. You will have trouble carrying on the most simple of routines as your thoughts of your beloved flit through your brain, mind and body.
Remember there is a reason to have feet. Keep them connected to the ground. Even standing in one spot you'll cover more than 26, 000 miles in a single day. There are so many people to talk to and things to do that it may be difficult to find time to share or do some of the things you want. You may become so excited that you will incessantly talk, trying to share your life and excitement with those that can't see this magic mystery. Be sure to listen and let other people talk.
There truly is a miracle when two souls recognize, share and celebrate each other. Enjoy the time, do something spontaneous. There is no doubt that "Kismet" fate, or karma is involved. See what you can learn. You may find that you are at a perfect place and a perfect time.
There should be talks of life, children and dreams or visions of great felicity. It is not the best time to be the life of the party or the queen bee, for without trying you'll garner more attention than you can imagine.
BUTTERFLY = TRANSFORMATION, DANCE Of JOY

Is this just a bunch of Hoodoo-Voodoo?

Or does it represent a glimpse into the Divine?

Past: You have already come up with your own ideas about a major change in your life. You or another may have been in a "larval" state of consciousness, or an isolationist cocoon phase where you were hiding from everyone including yourself. You have gone through incredible changes over a considerable period of time. You probably didn't even know you were changing. There may be a need for other changes and lessons, but you can be sure you got the complete package now. You may have been taking lessons in the direction manual, but soon, if prepared, there will be a time put your lessons and decision into action.

Why I could never be a Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

Try it, it's so gooooood for you.
How many of you could bear to be told to have conversations like the ones in this article?
http://harpers.org/ASpoonfulOfSugar.html

Monster Jen

Jen is a Tiny Robot that is fitted with a Bulldozer Blade and an Electric Drill, has Wooden Panelling, crawls on Twenty Tiny Legs, and runs on Methane. Force: 1 Handling: 8 Weaponry: 2

And now for someone completely diffident...

Yeah, I know it's a bit cliche to use that line by MPFC, but who is going to read this tripe, anyway? This blog is for me. I do admit, I wish someone would read it, but then again, I'd be afraid of what they might think. I would gladly offer myself up for observation, but then because I'm still so introverted, I'd think too much about what others thought about what I wrote. Anyhoo. Today I'm happy. Can you believe that? Yes, I said it, ME. I feel good today. Can I attribute it to the caffeine in the Diet Coke and coffee I drank this morning? Or some secret chemical in the so-called sugar-free cookies I ate? Or is it because I've successfully weaned off that huge dose of Paxil? Whatever, I don't care. It's great not to be suffocating under the heavy cloak of depression, or to be constantly ripped apart by anxiety.
Here are some things I have realized about myself, especially since I've had a child:

I try too hard to be liked. I take my life too seriously. I obsess about the past, probably as a buffer against the present. I do have a pretty good sense of humor, when I'm not trying.

I hate the way this makes me sound: like I'm so self-obsessed.

How do I change? I want to unwrap the tendrils that have cut me off from others, and kept me focused on myself. It's too lonely here, and I want to reach out. But it's scary.